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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273320">The Hope of it All</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonmayhem/pseuds/moonmayhem'>moonmayhem</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, but also this has two separate endings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:54:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,912</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273320</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonmayhem/pseuds/moonmayhem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being Atsumu’s best friend and comfort person is easy… sort of, but then you catch feelings and Osamu likes to meddle.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "He Loves Me"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Listened to King Princess’ “Isabel’s Moment,” and Taylor Swift’s “Peace” while writing. Give them a listen if you haven’t!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You and Atsumu have been friends since high school. People used to tease the two of you, making jokes about you secretly dating because of how close you always seemed. Anytime you would bring more than one bento to school with you your class would snicker and ask if you were going to go meet with your little boyfriend. They were partially correct, the extra food was for Atsumu, but they always seemed to ignore the third bento you had along with the other. Extra Bentos meant you’d lost a bet with the Miya twins and it’d been your punishment to make them lunch. You were feeding both of them, not just your ‘little boyfriend.’</p><p>That wasn’t the only fuel to the love fire though, Atsumu would scare off most guys that tried to confess to you, sneering at them from his and Osamu’s hiding spot behind bushes. They were always found out, never ones for being quiet enough to snoop around. It was hard to find a guy brave enough to push passed the twins and date their favorite girl. Though you didn’t mind much, Osamu always said that anyone not chicken enough to look him and his brother in the eye was probably worthy enough for you.</p><p>Not a lot of guys made it, honestly.</p><p>The worst of it all was the fangirls. More often than not, you’d be confronted by a gaggle of girls demanding you stay away from them. Calling you names and making comments on how it was gross that you couldn’t choose which twin to monopolize, so you nabbed both. It was all a bunch of entitled bullshit. Osamu or Atsumu would stumble upon you being cornered by the fans every once in a while and step in to stop them, but a lot of the time it was just you versus them.</p><p>Most of them left you alone after you offered to nab a few baby pictures of the twins for their mass consumption, the rest were kept at bay by the girls that didn’t want their Miya Baby Pics supplier to halt business. To this day, the twins don’t know how you managed to fend them all off.</p><p>As the three of you got older, not much changed. Although you couldn’t be together all at once as much anymore with Atsumu’s pro-athlete status and Osamu’s onigiri business, time was still set aside to hang out. Since ‘tsumu had a tighter schedule, he got jealous when you and Osamu hung out without him. It only took ‘samu threatening to take away his taste tester privileges for his brother to shut up.</p><p>Although high school had come to an end, the whispers about you and Atsumu still lingered. Whenever you’d tag along with Osamu to deliver onigiri to the team, he would rush you; scooping you up into a hug and kissing you on the temple. Bokuto and Hinata always seemed to snicker and make suggestive remarks that both brothers would vehemently deny on your behalf. Still, a new softness spread over your features at the implications, and maybe his teammates started to pick up on that.</p><p>--</p><p>Your relationship with the older twin was different compared to the other. Osamu rarely came to you for comfort like his brother did unless he wanted to stress-cook with you— he came up with some of his best ideas in your kitchen after a good stress release. Atsumu, on the other hand, craved physical affection; he wanted someone to ease his emotions with cuddling and back scratches and rubs. The only person that he trusted enough for that was you.</p><p>It was innocent at first, then one day things shifted.</p><p>Late at night, Atsumu came to your apartment angry about a game. He hadn’t performed the way he wanted, his sets, for some reason, didn’t hit their targets properly.</p><p>He was fuming; body language exuding a wave of anger that bubbled on the surface, threatening to explode abruptly like a volcano. At least, until you pulled him into your arms, kissed him on the forehead, and said, “Let me take care of you.”</p><p>No longer a volcano, but a dam having been burst open. The two of you fell into one another. Atsumu took what he needed from you, all of his anger and frustration being shed as he gave himself over to the comfort of your body, but with his face buried between your legs, you no longer knew who was taking care of whom.</p><p>Whenever he needed to release his anger or excess energy, Atsumu would come over and you allowed yourself to be the sponge that absorbed whatever he gave. With your help, he transferred his anger over into lust and took it out on your body. It was not the healthiest way of expelling negative emotions, but you weren’t complaining. You cared about Atsumu and you just wanted to be his safe space.</p><p>He sought you out; rough and calloused hands wrapped around tender flesh in the dead of night with lips pressed expertly to pulse points, and although he insisted to everyone else that you weren’t his, the man loved to leave marks that yelled otherwise.</p><p>The nights were warm, the humidity making bare skin sticky to the touch, only seemed to make the intimacy of being wrapped together in cotton sheets that much more reckless.</p><p>Having feelings in the mix of all this probably not the best route to take, but you found yourself unable to stop. Your heart could pay the price later on.</p><p>--</p><p>There is another shift in your relationship when Atsumu finds himself in a headspace needing something softer than what he’s been asking of you. It’s something more familiar. Something you’ve given to both him and Osamu in the earlier days of your friendship.</p><p>He seeks you out for comfort and warmth, desperate to be taken care of. It’s when the flashing lights and inflated headlines that dig into his personal life become too much for him. After a particularly harsh day, he will text to ask if you’re home—or sometimes just show up at your door—seeking out the delicate touch he knows you can give.</p><p>When you open your front door he nearly collapses into you, pressing his forehead against your shoulder as he sighs your name like he’s relieved.</p><p>“Come on, ‘tsumu.” You kiss the shell of his ear and pull him inside to start your care process.</p><p>A hot shower to relax and soothe his muscles as he washes the day away. Sometimes, when he’s acting super spoilt, he’ll ask you if you’ll wash his hair; most of the time you oblige. This new intimacy started after you began sleeping together, it holds a domestic feel that settles heavily in your stomach.</p><p>Most of the time you’ll have to heat up the leftovers from dinner—you learned fairly early on to make well enough food for two, just in case. The man tends to groan after his shower about how hungry he is whenever he’s finally relaxed enough to <em>register</em> his hunger.</p><p>When the stray animal has been washed and fed, his eyes droop sleepily and he starts to nudge at you, hoping to pull you to bed. He wants to wrap himself around you like a little large koala with his head pressed to your chest. This is when he’ll start mumbling for you to rub his head and play with his hair or to draw shapes and letters onto his back.</p><p>When you think he won’t notice—and he never does—you carve your name and your love into the toned planes of his back. Quietly, you hope that the <em>‘I love you’</em> you etch there will reach his heart.</p><p>Tucked into you is how he will fall asleep. His breathing will even out softly as puffs of warm air tickle your skin, and you begin to line up your inhales and exhales with his.</p><p>These types of nights with Atsumu are soothing and highly sought after whenever you feel yourself begin to miss him during the lonely days.</p><p>--</p><p>Atsumu is sitting, facing the full-length mirror that stands in front of your bed. He’s lost in thought, probably piecing together the intricacies of the plays he helped execute the day before. Volleyball was always at the forefront of his mind and it was the main reason why he came here. When he wasn’t asking you to take care of him in some way, he was never <em>really</em> present.</p><p>You sit up, shifting yourself closer to kiss a path from his spine to his right shoulder, while you run your palms up and down his biceps.</p><p>Against his bare skin, you ask, “Are you alright?”</p><p>He merely hums, and you can’t help the quiet sigh that escapes. You drape one arm over his left shoulder and snake the other underneath his right arm before interlocking your fingers.</p><p>“You’re thinking too much, ‘tsumu.”</p><p>“I’m thinkin’ a normal amount, y/n.” You playfully bite the nape of his neck and feel him go stiff as his skin pebbles with goosebumps. “You fight dirty, kid.”</p><p>“Ew, don’t call me that, we’re only a year apart, loser.”</p><p>Atsumu twists around, so you release your hold on him. Carefully, like he always is after he’s bruised your hips with his fingertips and sullied your neck in purpling marks, he pushes your naked body back down into the sheets, slotting himself between your legs.</p><p>He kisses the middle of your chest before lifting his head to look at you with hooded eyes, “Why‘re you always so feisty in the morning? You’re a cute mewling mess when I’m buried inside of ya.”</p><p>You smack his back and he hisses, but the smirk on his lips did not falter by a millimeter. “You’re so fucking crass, Miya.”</p><p>“Oh, formalities. Why dontcha call me senpai, then?”</p><p>With sharp dexterity you lock your legs around his torso, flexing your thighs against his rib cage. “Say something gross like that again and I’ll end you right now.”</p><p>Atsumu wheezes playfully before he wraps his arms around your torso and props his chin up on your chest with batting eyelashes. “Squeeze the life outta me with those thighs, baby!”</p><p>Snatching a pillow from behind your head, you hit him with it. “God, I hate you!”</p><p>--</p><p>Atsumu always leaves after he’s eaten and you wonder if it’s because he still doesn’t know how to approach you in the morning light after he’s taken what he needed from you the night before.</p><p>“Thanks for the food, sweetness,” he’s grabbing his things, kissing your cheek, and heading for the door.</p><p>He never kisses you on the lips, another line he won’t cross and you don’t ask him to.</p><p>“Have a good day, ‘tsumu. Tell the handsome Miya I said hello!”</p><p>“You just did,” he turns to you with a wink and you gag theatrically.</p><p>“Osamu’s right, the delusions seem to be getting worse. You may wanna see a doctor.”</p><p>He scoffs as he opens the door, enchanting eyes still trained on you. “I’ll call you later, y/n.”</p><p>You wave and watch as the door shuts behind him. Atsumu’s <em>‘I’ll call you later’</em> always seems to be missing the ‘when I need you again,’ part of his farewell.</p><p>You still make sure to cancel your plans when he does.</p><p>--</p><p>There’s a nasty tabloid that’s doctored pictures and weaved a fake story of Atsumu having an illicit affair with a married model. It doesn’t even look like him. His hair is not that shade of whatever the hell they tried to pass it off as and it isn’t even styled properly! Honestly, he’s offended that they couldn’t get a better decoy to help sell the story.</p><p>He usually wouldn’t let it bother him because he <em>doesn’t</em> care what people think as long as it doesn’t interfere with volleyball. Yet, his stomach does something odd when he thinks about you seeing the story. He knows it’s trending on social media, their PR manager already had to do damage control and put out a statement regarding it.</p><p>He wonders if you believe that it’s him.</p><p>“You’re giving us bad press,” Sakusa accuses, eyebrows furrowed in disgust.</p><p>“C’mon, Omi-kun, you know it isn’t me!”</p><p>“Yeah, but your ugly stand-in is causing us trouble.”</p><p>Atsumu gasps obnoxiously, “So you think I’m prettier?”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>He gets a call from Osamu a few minutes later and as soon as he answers he hears, “To think they found someone uglier than you, ‘tsumu.”</p><p>”Sorry they used pictures of you. It ain’t fair.”</p><p>“Tch, you’re such a shit head.”</p><p>“Takes one t’ know one, ‘samu!”</p><p>Osamu sighs and suddenly sounds much more serious. “Anyway, I called t’ tell you that you better patch this shit up quickly.”</p><p>“PR handled it—,”</p><p>“Not with yer fans and the media, idiot—with y/n.”</p><p>Atsumu felt his stomach do the thing again, the thing he tried to make his brain pass off as indigestion. Now, it suddenly feels like fear.</p><p>He stumbles on his words a bit trying to get a sentence out. “Does, Uh, does she actually think it’s me?”</p><p>“No, but even though she doesn’t, maybe you should reassure her.”</p><p>It’s not about not knowing whether Osamu is right or not, most of the time he is and Atsumu hates to admit it, but this time was different. His brother found out what the two of you were doing when nobody else was looking. It may have been easy to fool the others and roll with their teasing punches, but Osamu saw under all of it. He saw the marks on your skin and the way Atsumu would sometimes stare at them like he was admiring his handy work. He knew that his brother would run off elsewhere after he fell into one of his moods, and he sure as shit knew something was up when neither one of you would answer your phones, but then magically respond hours later at the same time.</p><p>He runs his hands through his hair with a pinched expression. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”</p><p>“Whatever, do what you want. I’ve done my part by warnin’ you. She’s my friend, too, so if you fuck up don’t expect me t’ feel sorry for you, ‘tsumu.”</p><p>“‘the hell does that mean? There’s nothing t’ fuck up. She’s there for me when I need her the same way she’s there for you.”</p><p>“You know damn well that ain’t true! Sure, she’s there for us, but you <em>take</em> and she gives way more to you. I’m not fuckin’ blind, Atsumu.” He’s struck a nerve with his younger brother, that much he can tell. He should know that Osamu knows the two of you better than anyone else. “If there’s nothing to fuck up, then I don’t wanna hear a peep outta you when she tells you she doesn’t wanna be your call girl anymore.”</p><p>Osamu hangs up, not giving Atsumu the time to recover for a retort.</p><p>--</p><p>You slap Osamu upside the head. “I should beat your ass for calling me a damn call girl!”</p><p>He flinches and whips around to face you. “Ouch! I didn’t think you’d hear me!”</p><p>The dirty look you gave him caused him to deflate slightly and he explained the entire phone conversation that he had with Atsumu.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have done that. You of all people know that Atsumu won’t do anything unless he thinks it was his idea.” You dig around in your fridge for beer. This isn’t exactly a conversation you would like to have sober.</p><p>“It’s been going on for months now, y/n. If someone doesn’t push his dumbass in the right direction nothing will change.”</p><p>You’re shit out of luck. This may as well be a dry household with the lack of alcohol in it. “‘Samu, please. He isn’t the only adult in this relationship, partnership, whatever the fuck it is. Let us be.”</p><p>“I won’t. You’re the one that’ll get hurt first.” There’s a jingling of keys and you turn to face Osamu. “Now, let’s head to get some alcohol. You have the day off tomorrow and I don’t have to open the shop, so we can drink to our hearts’ content.”</p><p>You let out a satisfied groan, “My favorite Miya, I could kiss you!”</p><p>“Gross, save that for the uglier one.” When you walk over to him, he grabs your hand and starts pulling you towards the door. “If I’m drunk enough maybe I’ll let you put clips and stuff in my hair; make me prettier.”</p><p>“I’m leaving my FWB relationship with your brother for you.”</p><p>“Not to be mean, but I’d rather die.”</p><p>“Honestly, me too.”</p><p>Hours later, you have your head in Osamu’s lap while he listens to you talk about Atsumu and the idea that something like that nasty tabloid could hold some truth one day made you queasy. Most of the alcohol has burned off the two of you, but you’re still flushed and hot to the touch.</p><p>“You know I wrote him this stupid letter professing my feelings for him. How I tried to force myself to be content with what we had, but that I got greedy. It’s gross, do you wanna read it?”</p><p>Osamu pats your cheek, “Are there sordid details of your affairs?”</p><p>“No, oh my god, Osamu. I wouldn’t have offered for you to read it if it did. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m sure you growing up with one another as horny teens was more than enough material for your therapist to use.”</p><p>“Thank you for sparin’ me.” He exhaled softly, mulling over your offer and wondering what this letter could mean for <em>him </em>– he was still planning his next step to open his brother’s eyes. “Alright, I’ll read it. I’ll give you a bad review if it’s illegible.”</p><p>The letter ends up being two and a half pages long. Osamu isn’t fucking ready for its contents and the vulnerability it presents to him. At one point, you write:</p><p>
  <em>I know what I want and that’s you for myself. I want to be the one you share your secrets with, the one to help carry your sorrows, the one you celebrate your victories with. I want all of it. I want </em>
  <em>you</em>
  <em>.</em>
</p><p>Osamu has to swallow around the lump in his throat. You’re now leaning against his shoulder, reading as he does, and gently knocks his head into yours when he finishes.</p><p>“Y/n, what the fuck.”</p><p>“What?” you chuckle, “Is it too much?”</p><p>“It’s beautiful! I can’t believe you’re giving this shit to my brother, of all people!”</p><p>You shoved him half-heartedly in retaliation. “He deserves just as much love as the rest of us!”</p><p>Osamu shakes his head as he slips the pieces of paper back into the envelope. “You’re biased and he doesn’t deserve you.”</p><p>“Hush, ‘course he does.” You take the envelope back and get up to tuck it between a couple of books with Osamu watching you intently. “I’m terrified to give it to him, so it will remain tucked away for now.”</p><p>Later that night, Atsumu texts you to ask if you’re awake. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and he can’t sleep, hopes that you can’t either so that he can come over for head scratches and back rubs.</p><p>The text he gets back isn’t from you, but his brother, <em>‘She’s knocked out on the couch, get your ass over here I gotta give you something important.’</em></p><p>You probably shouldn’t have tucked your secret feelings away in front of the other Miya, Osamu just hopes you won’t hate him after this.</p><p>--</p><p>Atsumu gets over there in record time and texts his brother as soon as he shifts his car into park. Osamu jogs out to his car and is holding what looks like an envelope in his hand. He opens the passenger side door and hands it off to him.</p><p>“I want you to read this,” he’s hanging his head in the car, it’s an awkward position, but Osamu looks serious. “Read it and take it seriously or I’ll beat the shit outta you, ya got that ‘tsumu?”</p><p>“Alright, yeah, I got it.” He flips it between his fingers and notices that his name is written on the front in your handwriting. “This isn’t a letter about how much she despises me, is it?”</p><p>He says it as a joke, smiling to dissipate his anxiety, but his brother still has that stony seriousness to his features. “The opposite, actually.”</p><p>Atsumu nods and clears his throat. “You want a ride home?”</p><p>“No, I’m staying here with her. Don’t wanna freak her out if she wakes up and I’m not there.” Osamu pats the top of the car and shuts the door, then waits for Atsumu to roll down the window. “I expect you t’ respond within 24 hours.”</p><p>“Does she know you’re handin’ this off to me?”</p><p>“Hell no, she’s too scared to give it to you and I saw where she hid it.”</p><p>“So you’ll get your ass beat after I respond to it, then?” His smirk is cocky and mischievous and if Osamu had the energy he’d probably kick his brother through the car window.</p><p>“Depends on yer answer, jackass. Now leave, go home. I’m tired and you shouldn’t be out driving this late!”</p><p>Atsumu yells back, “Yer the reason I’m out here!”</p><p>Osamu flicks him off as he heads back into the building.</p><p>When he gets back into your apartment, he notices that you’re no longer on the couch and are now standing over by the books where the letter was hidden. It suddenly feels like he fucked up.</p><p>--</p><p>Atsumu reads through the letter and the first line he gets stuck on is the one that reads, <em>‘I’m in love with you, Atsumu and I want to be with you.’</em> It chokes him up. He feels like he can’t breathe and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not but elects to push it aside until he’s done reading.</p><p>All you do is wax poetic about the small things he does, like the few seconds of calmness that appears on his face right before he serves a ball or the incessantly annoying way he lectures you on how you drive– always too fast or too slow for his tastes. Most of the letter is just you telling him how much you love him and he feels his hands begin to shake.</p><p>It’s the last paragraph that truly punches him in the gut.</p><p>
  <em>All of that being said, I care for you truly and deeply, and you were my friend first, so I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way. If you don’t, then we can pretend like this never happened–that we never happened, and try to go back to how we were before we got so tangled up in one another. I don’t want to stand in the way of you and your happiness, but what I do want is something real with you. So, if there’s any part of you that feels what I do, I hope you’ll take a leap of faith with me with as much fearlessness as you have while jumping into a professional volleyball career.</em>
</p><p>His eyes linger on the last gentle scrawl of, <em>‘yours for as long as time allows</em>,’ and the way you signed your full name with a heart at the end.</p><p>Atsumu lays as far back in his bed as he can manage and presses the pages of your love to his chest. He’ll think about everything in the morning.</p><p>--</p><p>When the morning sun peeks through your curtains, there is the permeating aroma of breakfast and the sound of clinking dishes. Osamu was probably using food to apologize for taking it upon himself to give your letter to Atsumu last night.</p><p>
  <em>You turned around to look at him with tears welled up in your eyes even though you tried your hardest not to cry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why?” You asked, voice cracking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Osamu looked horrified. He probably hadn’t expected you to cry, much less find out what he had done so soon. He quickly rushed over to you and wrapped you up in a hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” He tried his best to soothe you by rubbing large circles into your back. “I wanted to give both of you a nudge in the right direction.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Osamu, you shoved us off a damn cliff! Atsumu’s going to freak out and we’ll never be able to go back to being </em>
  <b>
    <em>anything</em>
  </b>
  <em>. We’ll have to go our separate ways.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll beat his ass.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, you won’t!” You pushed yourself out of his arms and started walking to your room. “He’s still your brother and you love him, you won’t do shit.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Y/n, I’m sorry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course you are.”</em>
</p><p>When you walk out of your room, still bleary-eyed and with a fat yawn leaving you, you stop to see not one, but two Miya’s staring back at you.</p><p>This isn’t happening. Not so early in the morning.</p><p>“Osamu, come here.” The tone in your voice is chilling and the younger twin knows that he’s probably going to die if he listens.</p><p>“No!” He holds up a plate of food and sets it down on the table, directly in front of Atsumu who is already sitting, waiting with his own plate. “Sit yer ass down and eat. I’m leaving to restock the food I just used in yer kitchen. Text me when it’s safe to come back.”</p><p>Fear grips your vocal cords as you hesitantly sit in front of Atsumu only briefly glancing up at him to see him essentially giving the same fleeting look.</p><p>“I read your letter,” he mutters after saying his thanks and tucks into his food.</p><p>“Super cool. Let’s never talk about it again.”</p><p>“What if I want to?” He asks around a mouthful.</p><p>You blink at him, trying desperately to get a read on him like you’re usually able, but he’s giving you nothing. Looking down at your food and the steam wafting up from it, you sigh. “Fine, let’s get it over with. Reject me so that I can at least use ‘samu’s food as a delicious bandaid.”</p><p>“Sounds good,” <em>Ah, right there.</em> You didn’t mean for it to sound like you were fine with him rejecting you. Your hands began to tremble. Why the hell were they doing that? God, you were terrified. Was he seriously here to reject you first thing in the morning? Couldn’t he wait? Goddammit–</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p><p>
  <em>Y/n.exe has stopped working.</em>
</p><p>“Fuck you.” That’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth as you stare at him like a deer in the headlights.</p><p>That reaction startles a laugh out of Atsumu, so much so that he nearly chokes on his food.</p><p>“That right there,” he says, fondly, “that’s one of the reasons why I love you.”</p><p>You shake your head. “No, you need to be more specific because I think you’re messing around with me and I’m not sure I can take that right now.”</p><p>Atsumu stands up, rounds the table, and lifts you out of your seat. He pulls you into him; one arm wrapped around your waist and his other hand secured at your neck. He holds you there, you can feel the strength in his fingertips and you’re unsure of what he was trying to do.</p><p>“I kinda had a revelation last night,” he mutters softly. “In high school, I always dragged ‘samu along to spy on your confessions. I looked forward to your bento even if you brought them because you lost a bet. I didn’t mind people thinking you were my girl–I still don’t mind. I always dismissed the guys’ jokes because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He sighs and leans down slightly to bury his face in your neck. “You take care of me. You’ve given me so much of yourself without ever asking for more in return.”</p><p>Slowly, he pulls back to look you in the eyes before kissing you softly. It’s slow and uncertain like he’s testing the waters, but you push against his lips and make him fall deeper into you. When your tongue grazes his bottom lip there is a gentle sigh that leaves him before he opens himself up to you further.</p><p>Atsumu pulls back from you after a minute or two and leaves a string of kisses from your lips, to your cheeks, to your nose, and then your forehead.</p><p>“I love you,” he says again. “I love you and you could never stand in the way of my happiness because other than volleyball, you <em>are</em> my happiness.”</p><p>“Oh god, don’t mention anything I wrote in that letter.”</p><p>“Too bad. You mentioned being greedy and I want you t’ be so damn greedy with me. I wanna give you back everything you’ve given me and much more. You hear me? You’re gonna be so sick of me.”</p><p>There’s a familiar burning in your throat, so you bury your head in his chest. “Okay, you don’t need to be specific anymore. I’ll cry and then I’ll be ugly.”</p><p>“I mean, you are a pretty ugly crier but I’ve seen that messy shit before.” You jab him in his side. “Oof! Hey, you said it first!”</p><p>“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Atsumu frames your face with his hands and tilts your head back to look at him. “I’ll give you kisses and let you use my shirt as a snot rag.”</p><p>“That’s disgusting.”</p><p>“Our love is gonna be super disgusting, ‘samu’s gonna hate us.”</p><p>“Cool, because he’s the one that pushed this into motion.”</p><p>Atsumu narrowed his eyes and smirked, “I would like t’ think that these amazing hips of mine pushed this into motion.”</p><p>You rolled your eyes, “Whatever, I won’t even mention how I had you seeing stars–,”</p><p>“Okay, okay! Just shut up and tell me you love me out loud. I wanna hear it.”</p><p>He tilted his head down slightly and you kissed him, “I love you, ‘tsumu.”</p><p>There is a giant, dopey grin on his face and he looks like he’s about to burst at the seams with happiness. “I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”</p><p>“You’re here with me now. That’s all I care about.”</p><p>--</p><p>
  
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. "He Loves Me Not"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alternate angst ending of "The Hope of it All'</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>You don’t look up at him immediately, too busy having your world suddenly shrink down so small it makes you feel claustrophobic. You’re suffocating and you know that if you look up at him you might die, but this will never end if you don’t.</p><p>When you do he dares to look like he’s in more pain than you are. His eyes are wide and he looks so, so scared, you almost pity him. How tough it must be to reject the love of someone in their own home after they’ve offered most of themselves to you.</p><p>“It’s alright, ‘tsumu,” you try to reassure both him and yourself. The smile on your lips that doesn’t quite meet your eyes does not go unnoticed by him. “Let’s just eat this breakfast and you can be on your way, okay?”</p><p>He sets down his utensils and reaches across the table to hold your hand. The mistake is that you still let him touch you.</p><p>“I care about you. You’re my best friend and you’ve given so much to me, but I can’t…” He blinks back what you think are tears. “I can’t love you back.”<br/>
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“Okay,” all you can do is smile.</p><p>“Stop lookin’ at me like that, <em>please</em>.”</p><p>Your facial expression does not budge. “Like what?”</p><p>“Like all of this is fine and you’re not upset with me!”</p><p>That’s when you stop letting him touch you. You pull back and drop the smile. “Would you like me to cry, Atsumu? Do you want me to break down and beg you to love me?”</p><p>“N-no, I–,”</p><p>“How about demand why you <em>can’t</em> love me!? Is this some <em>‘it’s not you, it’s me</em>’ bullshit because if it is I sure as shit don’t want to hear it! I just want to bury this away and pretend like it never happened. We never started sleeping together and I never confessed. We go back to being friends and that’s it–you don’t come over asking to be comforted anymore. Find someone else for that.”</p><p>All Atsumu could do was nod. He knew that if he tried to say anything else that it would only make things worse, so he kept quiet.</p><p>
  
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<hr/><p>When Osamu got there the atmosphere was cold and tense, he didn’t ask questions just like you asked and kept his mouth shut until Atsumu got up to leave. You smiled at both of them and Osamu felt goosebumps wash over him, he knew the smile was forced, and it was something he had never seen from you before. Atsumu handed his brother the keys to his car and walked out of your apartment.</p><p>“I’ll check up on ya tomorrow, alright?” Osamu was concerned as all hell. He was sure his brother felt the same as you did, but he went and mucked it all up by interfering. You muttered an understanding and he left.</p><p>In the car, Atsumu didn’t say anything. He stared out the window the entire time, elbow propped up on the door with his hand on his face.</p><p>“Tell me what the hell happened, ‘tsumu.”</p><p>The silence between the two of them stretched. Osamu gripped the steering wheel, anxious at the state of his brother and best friend. There was nothing he could do and he had forced both of them into this situation. Maybe it was too fast, too soon for Atsumu and if he declined you, then maybe he just needed time to get his bearings.</p><p>“I told her I can’t love her.” Osamu almost snapped his neck when Atsumu spoke. Still trying to keep his eyes on the road, he settled for giving his brother sidelong glances, hoping that he would continue unprompted. “I told her that because the press I deal with every single day would never give her peace. They tear me apart, so what’s stopping them from doing the same to her?”</p><p>“You can’t just assume that’s what’s going to happen—,”</p><p>“I’m not assumin’ shit! I <em>know </em>that’s what they’re gonna do. The way I used t’ treat people in high school is the way I’m perceived by the media when they want a good slander story, ‘samu.” Atsumu ran his fingers through his hair and tugged harshly at the ends. He was frustrated, at the situation or himself or <em>both</em>, his brother wasn’t entirely sure. “I’d rather lose her like this than ever see her hurt while being with me.”</p><p>“So ya do love her.”</p><p>Osamu heard Atsumu take a shaky inhale, before looking over and seeing tears threatening to spill. “Yeah,” he croaked, “Yeah, I do.”</p><p>Atsumu reclined the passenger seat backward, threw an arm over his eyes, and cried.</p><p>“‘tsumu, you need to tell her. You can’t decide for her.”</p><p>He shook his head, “She’ll find someone much better than me. She deserves it.”</p><p>He loved you. He loved you so terribly much and would never allow himself to ever truly have you, so he’d tuck these feelings away, somewhere deep beneath his rib cage, and wish you the best.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the "chapter" that comes after this is the alternate angst ending. It starts off right after your head rambling-- instead of Atsumu saying, "I love you, too," he says something else.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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